How can we accept our fear of failure and make the most of it? Where does this fear come from? This article will answer all these questions!
Fear is one of our 7 emotions and undoubtedly one of the most emblematic. (See our "Managing emotions" workshop by Gilbert Dagon)
On the one hand, it's fear that keeps us alive and protects us; on the other, it's fear that prevents us from leaving our comfort zone, from changing completely.
I have a job that I don't like at all, but I'm afraid of changing and finding myself with nothing.
I have an incredible idea but I'm afraid of failing and losing everything.
I've wanted to take up this sport since I was a kid but I'm afraid I'll be rubbish at it.
Here are a few examples that I'm sure you've already seen, heard or experienced! Today, in this article, I'd like to deal with the very specific fear of failure.
Fear of failure
Did you know? Fear of failure has a scientific name: the kakorrhaphiophobia. This very specific fear can affect us personally, in our relationships and professionally.
The name kakorrhaphiophobia comes from the Greek : kakorrhaphía or literally "Artifice of Evil". Breaking it down kakorrhaphiophobiawe obtain Kakos which means "bad" and Phobos In Greek, "mal / phobia" means a phobia of the bad.
The dictionary definition is : Abnormal fear of failure or defeat.
It's astonishing to speak of an "abnormal" fear, when it seems that this phobia is actually very common... So much so that it has become almost normal in our latitudes.
Fear of failure is localized
The motto of Silicon Valley is: " Embrace failure ". Oddly enough, "Silicon Valley", in California USA, also gave birth to most of the major technology companies we all know: Google, Facebook, Microsoft, Apple, ... .
More generally, in the United States, the culture of failure is encouraged as a way of learning and is viewed very positively. Indeed, it's not uncommon to proudly mention failures in one's Curriculum Vitae, as they ultimately represent invaluable experience.
And whereas in European countries, failure is and remains ... failure. But why?
A history of culture
Our educational and cultural system values order, regulations and cultural conservatism. Our schooling is very typical: you make mistakes, you get bad grades. You learn well (i.e. you learn what you need to), you follow the rules well: you get good grades.
And it doesn't stop there. You get bad grades, you're relegated, your school and university choices are narrowed down.
And more? Your family will certainly encourage you:
"You'll end up at McDonald's turning burgers".
"You know the guy who beeps at the supermarket? Well, you'll be doing that. All your life if you keep getting bad grades.
I'm caricaturing, but it's almost there. And the most terrible thing about all this is that, in the end, it's not about getting good grades or being good. After all, we've all faced these situations from the outside or experienced them from the inside. Throughout our childhood, we've assimilated the idea that failure is worse than anything else, and that we should avoid it as much as possible.
So what do we do? What have we assimilated? Taking few or no risks is the guarantee of success and a good life.
In the United States, failure is not seen as an end in itself, but rather as an obligatory event on the road to success. To succeed in a project or task, you need experience. And to gain experience, you have to practice and make mistakes.
The situation is currently evolving in Europe. Scandinavian countries have abolished the use of grades. Switzerland now has a single track system.
The virtue of failure and mistakes
Paradoxically, it is said that one failure is worth 1,000 successes. Indeed, a failure or a mistake pushes us to analyze, to turn the situation around, to find a strategy to do better next time. Whereas when you succeed, well, you've succeeded, so why ask yourself any more questions than that?
So, in the long run, it's much better to fail than to succeed. Of course, failing every time isn't good for your self-confidence either.
The ideal is to recognize mistakes and failures as beneficial and a necessary step towards success.
In Sweden, for example, there's now a museum of failure, where you can find objects that have been resounding commercial failures, but which also display a certain originality.
Do you know the Fiat Multipla? One of the "ugliest" cars ever created. Well, to its credit, Fiat then paid much more attention to its design, and sales took off with, for example, the little Fiat 500: a small, sporty and racy city car with a design described as "very successful" by the critics.
Living with failure
In conclusion, we shouldn't abhor failure, but accept it for what it is: unpleasant at times, yes, but also a paved road to success thanks to the experience gained.
Did your relationship not work out? Well, now you know better what you want!
Did you get a bad mark in maths? Is it really a failure? Do you want logarithms in your life? Do you need them for your daily shopping?
Have you failed in your new job or project? It happens. You always know what you lose, but not what you gain. The experience you've gained will certainly enable you to bounce back higher!
Managing your fear of failure
Finally, you might think that fear of failure is bad. No, it's not bad in itself. It's fine in moderation. It prevents us from throwing ourselves into anything and everything.
But it's important to give it the place it deserves without letting it guide our lives.
Are you afraid of failure? Don't give up on your idea, but maybe plan for failure. A bit like jumping off a wall and putting a mattress underneath to cushion the impact.
We say A good marriage requires a good divorce ". Well, it's the same thing: " To succeed, you have to plan for failures ". Failure is not synonymous with the end, but rather with stages that are very often obligatory.
To manage your fear of failure, OpenSynaps offers you a unique therapeutic program to help you!
Feel free to leave your comments, stories and testimonials below!
