Do you want to reduce your frustration and be happier? Have you ever noticed how humans tend to attribute bad intentions to people who have frustrated them with their expectations, and then, when we check them out, they turn out to be totally wrong? This is particularly true when we expect to get something from someone and it doesn't happen.
How to reduce frustration
This mechanism is natural, but can cause a lot of problems.
In everyday language and in our internal discourse, this deviance of the mind translates into phrases like: " I know the other doesn't love me ", " I think I've been had "or " my partner doesn't answer me because he doesn't care about me ". Here we find the family of mind-readings, complex equivalences and the cause-and-effect of our faulty language and thinking.
When we don't check this intention, we can fool ourselves and be completely out of touch with the reality that determined the interpreted behavior.
We imagine stories that take place only in our heads, without bothering to check them out because we're so convinced that they're true. Unfortunately, most of the time, if not all the time, we're wrong.
Unhealthy projections in frustration
I'm sure we've all experienced the total denial of the self-told story once reality has been brought to light.
This happens very frequently in jealousy stories. A person realizes that his or her partner isn't coming home as planned, and he or she makes films in his or her head when he or she has no way of knowing what's really going on, except to question the partner once he or she has returned.
Unfortunately, this person doesn't wait for a confrontation to come up with all kinds of scenarios, each as unlikely as the next.
When someone doesn't reply to a message or letter, it doesn't mean they don't care. There are all sorts of other possible reasons for this.
I'd like to share with you a method for reducing these unhealthy projections.
Reduce unhealthy projections
The next time you catch yourself saying "I feel that..." or "I know that..." while projecting your interpretation onto the other person's behavior, projections that are not based on any tangible factor, spot it. Spot these imaginary slips and really ask yourself what is true and well-founded.
Once you've decided on these questions, check them with the people concerned.
This will help you regain your composure, reassure you, reassure you and, above all, keep you in the reality shared by the greatest number of people.
You'll keep your friends or save your relationship. In the end, you'll feel more at peace and be able to return to a stable, balanced internal state.
